New Dating Apps & ‘In Person’ Mixers — Target Religious & Political Niches, Promising That Shared Values Are Key To Long-Lasting Relationships.

New Dating Apps & ‘In Person’ Mixers — Target Religious & Political Niches, Promising That Shared Values Are Key To Long-Lasting Relationships.

Image by Mohamed Hassan/Pixabay/Creative Commons

Dating today can be a bit like ordering at Chipotle. The universe of dating apps makes it easier than ever to custom-order a partner of your choosing — their height, their food preferences, their religion.

A new crop of dating apps aims to target the more picky consumer — narrowing the menu by prioritizing a “main ingredient.” Want to date someone who is Mormon? There’s an app for that. Want to date someone who is queer? Or gluten-free? Or over 50? There’s a site for that too.

“What you’re seeing now is that the market is segmenting more and more as it becomes mainstream,” said Eric Eichmann, CEO of Spark Networks, an umbrella dating company. “In our portfolio brand you have Silver Singles for people looking for love at a later stage in their life, we have Christian Mingle, we have Jdate, we have JSwipe too (both Jewish apps). It’s about people looking for other people who have that same criteria as their first criteria.”

This month, as Tinder celebrates its 10th anniversary, two new niche dating sites are hitting the market, joining countless other apps promising that shared beliefs and values are key to long-lasting relationships. While skeptics grimace at some brands’ gimmicky — or, in extreme cases, offensive — advertising, some specialized apps have proved successful. Sites like Muzz, for Muslim singles, boast over 7 million users. Still, some app users say even the most selective dating site can still lead to burnout, “creepers” and catfishing.

Dominion Dating. Image via FacebookEven before its official launch, the new site Dominion Dating has proved controversial. Its target audience is Christian singles who believe husbands should rule over their wives, women should be homemakers and Christians should have children to exercise “dominion over the world,” per the website. Its membership application requires users to both abstain from “dressing sensually or immodestly” and submit an endorsement from “the man you are submitted to for discipleship,” all of which has solicited eye rolls aplenty from the app’s many critics.

Another ultraconservative app, The Right Stuff, is also slated to debut this month. Co-founded by former Trump administration personnel chief John McEntee, the app is advertised as a “dating app for the Right wing” and a substitute for apps that have “gone woke.” Though The Right Stuff is more political than religious, McEntee told Religion News Service he expects most users will be Christian. He added that the idea for the invite-only app came from frustrations with existing options.

“Some of the current apps, it’s not just that the users are mean-spirited to conservatives. It’s that they make you agree to left-wing things, and it’s really in your face,” he said. “We’re just saying, ‘Why don’t we just create our own place where we know at least that one giant filter is done for us?’”

The Right Stuff caters to conservatives. Screen grab

The site is backed by billionaire Peter Thiel, who is in a same-sex marriage, but it does not offer dating services for LGBTQ users.

Some of today’s most popular dating apps, including Hinge, allow users to filter based on religion or political identity, but others, like Bumble, require a premium subscription to do so.

According to John Angelis, 42, a college professor and app user who lives in Virginia, users often try to get around the cost of additional filters on mainstream apps by advertising their political preferences.

“Some people now put on their profiles ‘Don’t swipe right or left if you’re a Republican or Democrat,’ whichever it is,” Angelis said. “I think politics is the No. 1 thing I see mention of in a profile. Compared to 10 to 15 years ago, I see much less religious preference stated.”

For Angelis, who occasionally uses Bumble and a site called Christian Café, it’s faith that is nonnegotiable when it comes to relationships. In his experience, Christian dating sites lead to better quality dates, even if the pool is smaller.

“(Christian Café) asks you a lot more questions about how you are actively participating in your faith, and you have to set up a profile that’s more about how did you become a Christian, how active are you in the faith, how often do you attend church.”

Michael Langlais, a professor at Florida State University who studies technology and relationships, noted that many contemporary dating apps cater to surface-level connections based on profile pictures or witty catchphrases. He suspects that religious apps are likely more effective for those seeking marriages, rather than casual dates.

“These religious apps are sort of like, let’s skip the shallow end of things and let’s go straight to values,” Langlais said. “And that can be a very powerful predictor of relationships, if you know you and this other individual share values.”

Many of the well-established dating apps and sites distinguish themselves from stereotypical hookup apps like Tinder by framing themselves as tools for finding lifelong partners. Eichmann, CEO of Spark Networks, spoke to RNS about Jdate, a 20-year-old Jewish dating site that Eichmann says is ubiquitous in Jewish circles.

“When people think of Jdate, they realize it’s about finding a soulmate,” said Eichmann.

According to Pew Research, a survey from October 2019 found that 12% of Americans have been in a committed relationship with or married someone they met on an app or website, and nearly a quarter of Americans (23%) have gone on a date with someone they met online.

In addition, according to Langlais, research shows that today, the quality of relationships formed online is similar to those formed in person, which, he notes, is a shift from what the research showed just 10 to 12 years ago. “My own research shows that people who meet on dating apps have just as much satisfaction and commitment as those who meet in person,” he said.

Even as the Covid-19 era ushered in a new reliance on digital tools, some app users have been experiencing online dating fatigue, with many feeling more frustrated than hopeful.

Langlais says app burnout could be fueling the drive toward value-oriented apps, especially if the fatigue is caused by superficial interactions. For Czeena Devera, 32, her own app burnout led her and a few friends to re-envision what faith-based, in-person dating could look like.

Devera, who is based near Detroit, began using dating apps in early 2020. She enjoyed meeting new people but said it got exhausting after a while.

People attend a Hot & Holy sponsored Catholic Young Adult Speed Dating (with a twist!) event at Our Lady of Good Counsel Catholic Church in Plymouth, Michigan, on April 29, 2022. Photo by Katie Woodstock/©Hot & HolyPeople attend a Hot & Holy-sponsored Catholic Young Adult Speed Dating (with a twist!) event at Our Lady of Good Counsel Catholic Church in Plymouth, Michigan, on April 29, 2022. Photo by Katie Woodstock/©Hot & Holy

“It doesn’t matter if you’re on CatholicMatch or on Hinge or Bumble, it just seems like there will always be the one or two guys who are super disrespectful,” said Devera. “And you can’t really screen for that.”

After a conversation with a few close friends, Devera learned she wasn’t the only one feeling burned out by dating apps — so together they decided to create their own young adults group to foster intentional dating. The result, a Catholic group called Hot & Holy, has been shockingly successful.

“When we launched in October (2021), we were maybe expecting 80 people, but we got over 130,” Devera said. Their most recent speed dating event had roughly 190 attendees, including folks who drove several hours from Ohio and from Traverse City, Michigan. Each speed dating event is also attended by priests, brothers and/or consecrated virgins who are on hand to share insight with the singles.

The group, which welcomes anyone open to the Catholic faith, also hosts monthly happy hours that start with Eucharistic adoration and end with going out for drinks, as well as social events such as trivia and scavenger hunts.

Devera hopes the in-person approach helps people avoid the trap of thinking of potential spouses like a menu. Personally, she’s already met plenty of potential dates through Hot & Holy — though she hasn’t sworn off dating apps just yet.

The 17th Sunday After Pentecost

How Do You Give Voice To Your Grief?

How Do You Give Voice To Your Grief?
Lamentations 1:1-6

1 How lonely sits the city that once was full of people! How like a widow she has become, she that was great among the nations! She that was a princess among the provinces has become a vassal. 2 She weeps bitterly in the night, with tears on her cheeks; among all her lovers she has no one to comfort her; all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they have become her enemies. 3 Judah has gone into exile with suffering and hard servitude; she lives now among the nations, and finds no resting place; her pursuers have all overtaken her in the midst of her distress. 4 The roads to Zion mourn, for no one comes to the festivals; all her gates are desolate, her priests groan; her young girls grieve, and her lot is bitter. 5 Her foes have become the masters, her enemies prosper, because the Lord has made her suffer for the multitude of her transgressions; her children have gone away,  captives before the foe. 6 From daughter Zion has departed all her majesty. Her princes have become like stags that find no pasture; they fled without strength before the pursuer.

– – – – – –

Sometimes, we just need to give voice to our grief. The worst thing we can do is to ignore it—push it aside because it is too painful. In today’s Old Testament reading, the author is facing the reality that Jerusalem, a city that was once full of glory, prosperity, and prominence, has fallen. It is a raw time for the author, a time to face the unforgiving reality of sorrow and suffering head-on. Through it all, though, God is there. The pain is a crucible from which the Jewish people will emerge; God will see them through it. That’s the interesting thing about Lamentations—it’s one long prayer, a prayer of expression, a lifting up of one’s pain to God. God can take the pain, God wants us to lift our pain to God because God wants all our humanity, not just the clean and neat parts.

  • How do you give voice to your grief?
  • How do you bring your grief to prayer?
This Bible study, written by the Rev. Daniel Johnson, OPA

Infant Pantry At St. Margaret’s, San Juan Capistrano, Supports Local Families With Diapers, Wipes, Formula, Love & Prayer

Infant Pantry At St. Margaret’s, San Juan Capistrano, Supports Local Families With Diapers, Wipes, Formula, Love & Prayer
For Angel and Selina, the 30-mile drive north once a month from Camp Pendleton to St. Margaret’s Infant Pantry in San Juan Capistrano for diapers, formula, Pedialyte, and other baby giveaways, is well worth the trip.

“The cost of everything has gone up astronomically; this takes the burden off,” said Selina, a regular visitor since the drive-through pantry opened in September 2021. “Being able to come here prevents us from having to choose between groceries and diapers.”

St. Margaret’s started the drive-through outreach a year ago after assessing community needs,  according to the Rev. Canon Robert Edwards, rector. “We discovered that while there were several local programs assisting with food insecurity, the needs of families with infants were not being met.”

The church relied on local partnerships. Family Assistance Ministries, an Orange County faith-based nonprofit organization, donates diapers each month, and some food items. Members of Padres Unidos, a St. Margaret’s partner since 2013 that provides enrichment services for low-income families, went door-to-door, locally publicizing the pantry, Edwards said.

The San Clemente Military Family Outreach, which assists military families with urgent needs unmet by official resources, publicized the efforts and St. Margaret’s School students also pitched in, creating prayer cards, packing shopping bags with baby wipes, food and formula pouches, and assisting with organizing and inventorying items.

Claire Frahm, executive administrative assistant said the school, which serves about 1,300 students in preschool through 12th grade, is committed to community service and local partnerships as part of the educational process.

“We’ve done everything from inventorying the items to putting bags together,” Frahm said. “We even brainstormed a mission statement for the pantry, and last year, we focused on educating about the root causes, like why are these families struggling?”

Although no mission statement has been adopted, the time was used to help educate students about the importance of one, Frahm said.

Supplies are loaded into the trunk of a client’s car. Many of those who come to the pantry are picking up supplies for friends and neighbors. Pour students on the cost of these products, particularly formula for a family and how much this (expense) cuts into a young family’s monthly budget. We explained the budget for the pantry, the contribution of diapers and other products from Family Assistance Ministries and that the money to run the Pantry comes from in-kind contributions, cash donations and from the church outreach budget.

“We’ve even had little games to help educate even the littlest ones,” she said. “Like, how much do you think formula costs? Do you have a baby in your family? Or how many In-n-Out burgers can you buy for the cost of a can of formula? It was something like nine.”

Donations from both school and church families, and other fundraising, help defray the $8,000 monthly cost of infant formula, according to John Harms, chair of St. Margaret’s local outreach committee. In just a year’s time, he said, the pantry has served 1,968 infants from 1,357 families; about 40 percent are from Camp Pendleton.

Volunteers begin arriving about 8 a.m. Quickly, sunshades and tables are assembled several vehicle lengths apart in the front of the campus. James David “J.D.” Bastress, 12, and others roll out diapers on carts from storage areas to the tables as guests begin arriving as early as an hour before the scheduled 10 a.m. start time.

Bastress, a St. Margaret’s parishioner and Ladera Ranch Middle School 7th grader, told The Episcopal News he enjoys joining his father, also named James, for the once-monthly program, “because it’s something to do that helps out a lot of people, and it’s important to be involved.”

He and other volunteers “runners” walk alongside guests’ vehicles, asking a few simple questions, like “how they’re doing, what size diapers they need.” The requested items are placed along with the pre-packed shopping bags into vehicle trunks. Often guests are picking up for their own families and others, as well.

“We’ve learned over time through our distribution to keep things moving” because the lines are long, Harms said. “We prepackage bags with essentials that everyone receives. We put wipes, Pedialyte, prayer cards from the school, and then they’re ready to go.

Identification is not required and “the questions are asked to inform us about our ordering” because of age-related diaper sizes and formula products, he added.

Another important question: “How did you hear about us? I asked the very first person who came in, a year ago, and he said, ‘Well, there’s a garage sale across the street, and I just saw your sign,” Harms said. “We had 70 to 73 people the first month. Since then, we’ve had a steady increase. We average about 188 families per month, although last month we had 250.”

Arika Ferguson also publicizes the pantry to Camp Pendleton families on Facebook, and picks up the much-needed items for those unable to make the trip to San Juan Capistrano.

“My husband is a Navy corpsman; we moved to Camp Pendleton in 2014 and I started volunteering,” Ferguson told The News. “My son is 16. I wish they’d had something like the infant pantry when my son was younger.

“When my husband and I were newly in the military, we struggled,” she said. “We didn’t know about free food pantries and for me, instead of seeing a mom struggle and cry and say, ‘I’m running out of formula, I don’t know what to do,’ I can say, ‘hey, come see John.’ I just get the information out there.”

On Sept. 24, Ferguson was picking up diapers and formula for four families. “One just gave birth to twins, and her babies are in the NICU. Sadly, they don’t get to come home yet,” she said. “A lot of families want to come, but they don’t have cars, or their husbands are deployed, or maybe they just have too many kids and it’s too hard to come. So, I come for them because what St. Margaret’s does is amazing.”

Neighbors Katie, 35, and Kat, 27, made the drive together from Camp Pendleton on Saturday, Sept. 24.

It was the first trip for Katie, 35, but came at just the right time. “I just gave birth,” she said. “I have a two-week-old. We just moved here in May, and we have no family in the area. My neighbor asked me if I wanted to come with her and, I said yes. Knowing people are there to help makes me feel good.”

Her neighbor, Kat, 27, excitedly showed off orange, white and black animal-themed knitted baby booties as the two women tried to guess: “Is it a tiger? a cat? A bear? I don’t know what animal it is, but these are so cute.”

Kat has been making the drive to the infant pantry for four months and happily welcomed her neighbor’s company. “I have a ten-month-old baby, and this has been really helpful for us,” she said. “Military life is really lonely and so to have a community that’s really willing to help us … You know, everyone needs extra help at some point in time, so just to have this community is really so nice.”

Harms, a veteran himself, understands. “There are always some amazing stories I can tell you. One young man came in, a U.S. Marine. He stopped at the formula table and was looking like he wasn’t exactly sure what to do. We welcomed him and asked if we could help. The baby was four months old and in the back seat. He said: ‘I was deployed when the baby was born. My wife is deployed now.’”

And there are the families without cars who bring their babies in strollers and walk through the stations, Harms said. “We just load the strollers up as much as we can until the next time.”

How Does God Comfort You?

 

Psalms 91:1-6; 14-16

1 You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, 2 will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.” 3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence; 4 he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. 5 You will not fear the terror of the night, or the arrow that flies by day, 6 or the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or the destruction that wastes at noonday. 14 Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name.15 When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. 16 With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation.

– – – – – –

There are a lot of things that stalk us “in the darkness” (Ps. 91:6, BCP), things that unnerve us or disturb our peace. But what makes our faith so hopeful is the fact that God invites us to share all of that with God. God is not some abstract and nebulous idea, but a reality that humanity is bound to in love (Ps. 91:14). God hears us in our times of struggle. God participates in our lives. God does not detach. God is our refuge, our eternal, immovable refuge, that comforts and softly embraces us as a hen embraces her chicks (Mt. 23:37 and Lk. 13:34). How fortunate we are to have such a devoted friend who walks with us in every step of our lives!

  • When have you been most vulnerable before God?
  • How has God comforted you?
This Bible study, written by the Rev. Daniel Johnson, OPA

When Prayer Is Easy, When Prayer Is Hard…

When Prayer Is Easy, When Prayer Is Hard…
1 Timothy 2: 1-7

1 First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for everyone, 2 for kings and all who are in high positions, so that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and dignity. 3 This is right and is acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, 4 who desires everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. 5 For there is one God; there is also one mediator between God and humankind, Christ Jesus, himself human, 6 who gave himself a ransom for all

—this was attested at the right time. 7 For this I was appointed a herald and an apostle (I am telling the truth,[a] I am not lying), a teacher of the Gentiles in faith and truth.

– – – – – –

What if we really prayed for everyone? While prayers for family, friends, and those we count as allies might come easily, that isn’t always the case for those whom we’ve never met, those with whom we disagree, and those we perhaps consider enemies. Yet, this segment of the pastoral letter of 1 Timothy notes that if we claim the authority of God, including the “one mediator between God and humankind, Christ Jesus,” as followers of Christ, we are called to pray for all whom Christ came to save: all of humankind.

As 21st-century readers of this text, while we grapple with systems of oppression and injustice, it is worth noting and naming that those very systems have not afforded a “quiet and peaceable life” for all, as those “kings and all who are in high positions” have not sought a life of “godliness and dignity” for all. What do we do in the face of long-held structures that divide instead of unite, pulling us away from our shared salvation in Christ? Perhaps we do what we’ve always been called to do, and what we are reminded of here: we pray.

  • For whom or what is easy to pray in your life? For whom or what is it difficult? For whom do you think it is difficult to pray for you?
  • How might you begin to pray for those for whom it is difficult to offer prayers? How might that shift perspective, action, and relationship?
This Bible study, written by Andrew Gordon

Do You Think That God Has Given Up On Us?

Do You Think That God Has Given Up On Us?
Luke 14:25-33
The Cost of Discipleship
11 At that time it will be said to this people and to Jerusalem: A hot wind comes from me out of the bare heights  in the desert toward my poor people, not to winnow or cleanse— 12 wind too strong for that. Now it is I who speak in judgment against them.22 “For my people are foolish, they do not know me; they are stupid children, they have no understanding. They are skilled in doing evil, but do not know how to do good.” 23 I looked on the earth, and lo, it was waste and void; and to the heavens, and they had no light. 24 I looked on the mountains, and lo, they were quaking, and all the hills moved to and fro. 25 I looked, and lo, there was no one at all, and all the birds of the air had fled. 26 I looked, and lo, the fruitful land was a desert, and all its cities were laid in ruins before the Lord, before his fierce anger. 27 For thus says the Lord: The whole land shall be a desolation; yet I will not make a full end. 28 Because of this the earth shall mourn, and the heavens above grow black; for I have spoken, I have purposed; I have not relented nor will I turn back.

– – – – – –

There is no way to read this passage from Jeremiah and not compare it in some way to all the news that we hear each day from around the globe. It does indeed seem that there is a hot wind blowing fiercely at us, the foolish people, the stupid children. From record-breaking heat, fire, and floods right in our backyards to Saharan dust clouds high in the atmosphere, it is not hard to imagine that our fruitful land will be a desert and that the cities will be laid in ruins. Yet verse 27 of Jeremiah’s lament reminds us that the Lord is not going to end it here; there is something on the other side of this desolation.

Jeremiah’s prophecy is not exactly hopeful, but it also does not allow us to simply give up and pack it in. Things are going to be bad, “the earth shall mourn,” but we remain God’s people, we have no choice but to remain steadfast in our faith as we move through what might be our own dark night of the soul.

  • Do you think that God has given up on us, or is there a chance for redemption?
  • What in this passage might give you insight into a way through these dark days?
This Bible study, written by The Rev. Amy Feins